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We were all huddled around a bonfire in the backcountry of Montana. The night was eerily quiet, not because we were in reverence of our presence, but because it was so incredibly awkward. Ten of us guys from varying locations all around the country, gathered on a week-long retreat. We didn’t know each other and had no idea what to expect.

  • “What do you do for a living?”

  • “How do you like living in California?”

  • “Does it always rain in Seattle?”

After breakfast, we would head out on a boat and pretend to know how to fly fish. Hours on a boat with two other guys does something to you. You find yourself dropping your guard and having vulnerable conversations.

By the time everyone got back to the lodge, it was as if these ten strangers were the closest of friends. Something had clicked between us all, engaging us into a deep intimacy as brothers.

Isn’t that what we all want? Intimacy? To be known and loved for who we are?

Our souls crave this feeling of intimacy.

We ache for this feeling of letting our guard down and being able to be our true selves with God and with others.

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What does the bible say about being intimately known?

“Come near to God, and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”  James 4:8

“You will find me,” God says, “when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

Intimacy is a heart issue. I love what John Eldridge says in his book Waking the Dead.

“The heart is the connecting point, the meeting place between any two persons…We don’t want to be someone’s project; we want to be the desire of their heart.”

For us to be genuinely intimate with God and others, we must allow our heart to be seen.  It’s easy for us as hustlers to view relationships as a project. We are so used to being efficient in everything we do that it inevitably pours over into our relationships. We go on and on about how we master tasks or skills, how attendance has grown in our church, or how our email list has tripled in the last month, and gloss over the fact that we haven’t been heart to heart with anyone in a very long time. Maybe we have even forgotten what it feels like to be heart-to-heart with God?

As Christians, our focus cannot be on efficiency but on intimacy.


If intimacy is a leadership strength, why don’t more leaders practice it? Simple. Fear and ego. Being vulnerable requires us to let go of our pretenses and admit that we may get hurt, or worse…hurt others. 

Here are three ways to start practicing intimacy in your relationships.


Admit to making mistakes.

When you announce mistakes, you create a culture of second chances. Mistakes shouldn’t be repeated, but they can be forgiven. You’re creating a safe environment for others to relate to you and ultimately help you progress to where you want to go.

Let go of the lie that you always have to be perfect.

So many of us want to put on a show of being confident, strong, and perfect. Drop the charade, because you’re merely holding yourself back. If you are afraid of what others might think, think about it this way: humans typical like other humans. You’re a human and humans mess up. Give yourself permission to be human.

Don’t go at it alone.

One of the biggest lies about any hustle is that we think we can go at it alone. We were created as social creatures. So we must be social. Go out to dinner with other hustlers, join a mastermind, get plugged into a community where you loved and known.


Today, may you understand that God intimately wants to be with you. That you are not God’s project but a creation He adores. May you seek to be heart-to-heart with God and with others.


Why is it so hard for us to be intimate with others? Answer below.

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Chris Pochiba

Author Chris Pochiba

Chris Pochiba is an accidental entrepreneur. With over 10 years in the marketing/visual arts world, Chris partners with amazing organizations to create meaningful art that impacts the world.

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